I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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