and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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