I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
