I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So gin and wine won't be happening again
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
