Nicole vs. Life
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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