Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
you are never too drunk for berry picking
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
