So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Are my feet made of real feet?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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