My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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