I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
