Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
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