yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
