she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
