Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We had to coat check the pizza.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
