Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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