The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I was not drunk enough for that final.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
