Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
