Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
