Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
