we should wear snuggies to the strip club
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Randomize
