i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
