i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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