An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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