i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
