I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
