we have officially lost it.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
