Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
