Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
