I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
