Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
