Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Houston, we have a squirter
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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