Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
3pm strippers are depressing
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
