is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We have so much sex to catch up on
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
soo... how was my night?
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