Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
