Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Randomize
