her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
