you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
