thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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