her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
