i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
