the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
