Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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