me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
