if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
