i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
