I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
