Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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