my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
