After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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