im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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