I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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