He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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