do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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