I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
