I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
